Skip to main content

A Simple Prayer

 God,

I haven't come to you. In my busyness and normalcy, I have neglected to come to you with my desires and dreams. I prayed so hard for a baby and when you gave me one, I was so happy. Then you took it away and though I was miserable at first, I learned to trust you. Then I just forgot you. Instead of running to you again once I reached the calm, I decided internally that I didn't need you anymore. Forgive me.

I do cry out, for many things now. I cry out for my church, suffering from sin and complacency. I ask, I beg that you restore to the church the joy of your salvation! Don't just bring us a new pastor; bring us new life. Bring me new life. Where I'm lacking passion and desire, remind me it was once there. Where I'm lacking joy, remind me of who you are. Where I once had life, show me that you are a God that can keep giving life.

You know I long for a baby, for a little one I can call my own. I will admit that I'm terrified of what it could mean to get pregnant. I don't know how to be completely relaxed about the possibility that I could suffer another miscarriage. So, where the fear is, replace it with total submission. I want to trust you with my WHOLE heart, not just what I choose to give today. 

Grant me a child, grant our church restoration, reveal yourself.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

No One Wants Me

 Am I anyone's friend really? Sometimes I think I'm close with someone, but then I may see a flicker of annoyance in their face when I act like my goofy self. I feel like I talk too much; well, I don't just feel it, I know it. Why do I have this uncontrollable trait of speaking without a filter or restriction? Maybe it's because I was ignored during my childhood. No one noticed me because I was shy and wasn't "cute" like my sister. So sometimes I feel like people tire of me easily. Is that just me? It's the same at work. Everyone loves this new guy Eryn, pompous as he is. They laugh at his jokes (if you can even call them jokes) and rave at his ideas. Admittedly, he does have great ideas. Still, why do I feel like my boss wants nothing to do with me? Why is he okay with Eryn working from home, but tells me I'm not allowed to? Why does he never ask about me? He forgot my birthday and even worse, when he finally remembered, there was no card or anyth...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Sun MIGHT Come Out Tomorrow

 Tomorrow is the big day, the day of answers, the day of either relief or distress, the day I'll find out if I'm pregnant or not. I bought the test 4 days ago because I'm NEVER late, with the exception of maybe 3-4 times in my life. Even so, it's only ever a day or two. This time is different. I am now over a week late and nothing. I did something stupid. I went to Old Navy and bought a onesie. Then I decided I didn't like that onesie because it wasn't cute. So I went to Macy's and gasped at the fact that a tiny piece of clothing could cost $30. I quickly left.  I know I haven't taken the test yet, but I got a little carried away! My plan, if I'm actually pregnant, is to surprise my husband tomorrow with the onesie and a card, telling him the big news. I've been keeping this a secret for days because I want to be sure before I tell him. We've been wanting a baby for awhile, so this would be a dream come true,...if it's true. Part of me is...
Post a Comment
Read more

What's in Her Name

Buford was the name you hated, Eugenia was the name no one knew Genie is what you went by, but Pinmunner is what I called you Whatever anyone called you, we unanimously were aware Of the legacy you'd one day leave for all of us to share Your name holds so much in it, it's weight will stay with me Your name has spread itself around my heart like branches of a tree Even as I sit here typing, I cannot give your name it's full honor Yet, I must try my best so all around me feel in it your ferver Red hair, liptstick, creepy clown doll, and glass after glass of Sunny Delight Matching rocking chairs, strict attention to manners I always wanted to fight Odd clothing prints and patterns that always felt too brash and bold Yet, they seemed to be designed for you, never feeling you were too old VBS at the church, that coy pond, and the hydrangas on the side of the house Bagdaddy's ever loving kindness, in my mind, always the picturesque spouse The love that was shared by mundane, ...
Post a Comment
Read more