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No One Wants Me

 Am I anyone's friend really? Sometimes I think I'm close with someone, but then I may see a flicker of annoyance in their face when I act like my goofy self. I feel like I talk too much; well, I don't just feel it, I know it. Why do I have this uncontrollable trait of speaking without a filter or restriction? Maybe it's because I was ignored during my childhood. No one noticed me because I was shy and wasn't "cute" like my sister. So sometimes I feel like people tire of me easily. Is that just me?

It's the same at work. Everyone loves this new guy Eryn, pompous as he is. They laugh at his jokes (if you can even call them jokes) and rave at his ideas. Admittedly, he does have great ideas. Still, why do I feel like my boss wants nothing to do with me? Why is he okay with Eryn working from home, but tells me I'm not allowed to? Why does he never ask about me? He forgot my birthday and even worse, when he finally remembered, there was no card or anything special. Just a "Happy Birthday" and that's it. The HR guy, who I've only met once in person cares more about my life than the man I'm supposed to be assisting.

Will I ever feel loved and appreciated instead of insecure and doubtful. Will it always be this way? Will I always feel scared to share my ideas (when I have them) or afraid to approach a difficult subject? I've lost friends and now I've lost connection at work. I am in sorrow.

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