Deep in My Feelings...

 Is it selfish to ask that you save the baby? Am I untrusting if I beg for you to protect the life inside? I feel as though my prayer should be about asking for comfort and peace, no matter what the news is. Yet, in my flesh, what I want most is for this baby to be alive and healthy. Is that wrong? I can't tell, God. Correct me if I'm in the wrong here. Yes, of course I want to have the strength to trust you, even in the midst of suffering. But I want this child; I want to be able to hold this baby in my arms. I feel that if this bay dies, it is my fault. I know that isn't true, but it's how I feel. God, you know my heart better than I do! That means you know if my desires are pure or not. If they aren't, change them! Help me see your grace and mercy, even when you take away what is precious to me. Lord, I am torn. Torn between total trust and what my heart longs for. My heart longs for this life, to raise a child, to care for a little one. But I know in my head tha...

 God, I need you. I am scared, worried, confused, sad, disheartened, and alone. I am worried for the life that may or may not be inside of me. Please protect this little life. Please protect me. I cry out to you, Lord. In speaking, I don't know what to say, other than "help!" Now I cry as I type exactly what my heart feels. In this time of the unknown, you know me and you want to be known. Use this time in my life to reveal yourself to me, whether I receive good news at the doctor or the worst news.  Protect Tze, as he will be affected by this situation. Help me to be a loving wife to him in spite of my feelings of darkness. I cannot think straight and I neglect him when I should be ever present. Give me the strength to tend to his needs, as he does mine. You love him, Lord. I know you do. You have brought him through the thick of it and further. In his loneliness and isolation, you have brought many into his life to shape him into the man you want him to be. So keep shap...

Blessed be your name, when a child dies and tears stream effortlessly Blessed be your name when I feel my own heart break inside of me Blessed be your name when all I know is pain and despair Blessed be your name when I neglect you and show you no care Blessed be your name when all is good and right and real Blessed be your name when I am never wanting for my meals Blessed be your name when the sun shines and the weather is as it should be Blessed be your name when the wind blows away the sadness as it moves through the trees Blessed be your name, even if I never get to hear my baby's heartbeat Blessed be your name, even if, in your will, you take my child from me Blessed be your name through my depression and utter grief and emptiness Blessed be your name when I'm in sin worry and need your forgiveness Blessed be your name now and forever

 I am so empty, feeling like I'm floating in a river of hopelessness  When I should feel joy in the Lord, all I am consumed with is loneliness In the morning, on to the night, I inwardly and sometimes outwardly weep Into my heart, soul, and mind the dark and saddening feelings have seeped  Though I belong to God, I do not know Him, and I cry in sorrow I am waiting for His peace and joy to pierce me through joint and marrow  Yet, even in the knowledge that only God can fulfill, I sigh For I do not remember how this feels, to be enchanted by the God most high I have heard that drugs and alcohol leave you empty and lost They do not mention food and TV also come with a lonely cost  I have searched for the thing that makes my heart sing in content All I have found is guilt and strive, which have led me to resentment  Even as I sit here in my sadness, I feel no hope or chance for peace All I feel is depression and wanting and everlasting pain, taking over me...