She always looked beautiful, like she was ready to watch others get into the trenches. Her shoes looked of glamour and glitz, not appropriate for dirty work. On a Sunday, you could find her lost in her colorful wardrobe and layers of expensive makeup. Who was she really? My eyes couldn't see past the animal print and heels, to her heart. Not only was she fashion to me; she was superior fashion. If I was Walmart, she was Target. Maybe she didn't know how unappealing and undesirable I felt around her. Perhaps she wasn't aware that standing next to her in my jeans and Goodwill sweatshirt made me tug on my clothes and look down in insecurity. Was it her responsibility to adjust her own clothing choices to make me feel important? Does a Pastor's wife have to care about such an insignificant need of the women around her? You tell me.
Am I anyone's friend really? Sometimes I think I'm close with someone, but then I may see a flicker of annoyance in their face when I act like my goofy self. I feel like I talk too much; well, I don't just feel it, I know it. Why do I have this uncontrollable trait of speaking without a filter or restriction? Maybe it's because I was ignored during my childhood. No one noticed me because I was shy and wasn't "cute" like my sister. So sometimes I feel like people tire of me easily. Is that just me? It's the same at work. Everyone loves this new guy Eryn, pompous as he is. They laugh at his jokes (if you can even call them jokes) and rave at his ideas. Admittedly, he does have great ideas. Still, why do I feel like my boss wants nothing to do with me? Why is he okay with Eryn working from home, but tells me I'm not allowed to? Why does he never ask about me? He forgot my birthday and even worse, when he finally remembered, there was no card or anyth...
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