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I'll Be Happy

She brushes her little fingers lightly through the grass, loving the cool feeling and the softness

She lays down, staring at the clouds and admiring their own kind of softness

She closes her eyes because somehow, that makes the light breeze feel even better

She breathes in deeply, an innocent and unexposed, thinking "I couldn't be happier"


She's a teenager and still loves to stare at clouds and lie in the grass, but she's different

Though still naiive, she has seen a fraction of what she will see; She feels different

She's felt heartbreak, to the extent a young one can feel, and she feels empty

With tears in her eyes, she thinks to herself "When I go to college, I'll be happy"


In college, her days are filled with stress over papers and comments from arrogant men

She takes comfort in the joy of learning from her professors and making lifelong friends 

These days are joyful, stressful, sad, experimental, romantic, hectic, overlapping

She was sad to move on, but knew once she moved out of this small town, she'd be happy


New York City glistens with the reflections of both homelessness and romance

She gleams as she walks to Times Square her first day here; this is her chance

She makes memories with friends and embraces the glamour and realism of the city

She smiles and assures herself: "Surely, this is what it means to truly be happy."


This place starts to wear on her, as her friends move on and she struggles to pay rent

She still loves this city with all her heart and through the madness, feels content

She even meets the love she'd longed for, a quiet and steady love leaving nothing wanting

She looks at him on their wedding day and knows this is the ultimate moment of "happy"


They fight, she cries, he shuts down, she lies. Their marriage is a beautiful stress.

Until she hurts him in the worst way and has to painstakingly repair this mess.

Their love lives on and grows in the simplest of routines and comfort and silence

In the midst of mistakes and sadness, she thinks "What is happiness?"


She's about to have a baby, some say the ultimate gift in life as a woman

She glows and prepares a loving atmosphere for this tiny human

As she folds onesies, spends too much on amazon, and researches everything

She smiles and sighs and thinks, not confidently, "When she's born, I'll be happy"


As she sits in this coffee shop, her heart feels heavy and she hasn't slept well

Her minds races with thoughts of emptiness, a feeling she's known so well

In her heart, she knows that with this baby comes looking forward to "one day"

She lies to herself, knowing she's lying, whispering shakily "I'll never be happy"





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