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Afraid

 God,


I feel afraid of so many things. I'm afraid to experience physical pain at this appointment, I'm afraid of not being able to give a proper urine sample due to nerves, and I'm afraid that I will receive bad news. The latter is my biggest fear. Perhaps the pap smear, blood draw, and painful ultrasound would be worth it if there's a healthy baby inside. If not, all I will feel is shame and embarrassment and dread. 

Lord, I don't know what to do with my fear, except constantly give it to you. Honestly, I feel like I can pray and pray, but in the morning, my body will feel the fear and anxiety and it will feel like more than I can take. How do I deal with this, God? What can I do to calm my body and mind? How do I keep these nerves at bay? I can try breathing deep, taking certain vitamins, but it seems nothing will work.

What I really hope and pray for is a supernatural peace, that surpasses what I can comprehend, to take over me, both mentally and physically. I feel foolish asking for this peace when I haven't trusted you the way I should. I beg that you bring scriptures to my head all day today and tomorrow morning that show me how to trust you completely and seek your peace. Flood my thoughts with your words and keep my heart calm in you and what you have to say. 

Tomorrow, I will know something good or something bad, but I must praise you all the same. I pray for a healthy baby, but I will pray to you no matter what. Amen.

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