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Pregnant Again

 It's happened! It's real! I'm pregnant!!! I found out Thursday, October 21. My immediate reaction was excitement when I saw that "Yes" on the digital test I took this morning. I had told myself I'd wait to take the test, but I was too restless. Now that I know the truth, part of me can't believe it's happening. I have a baby inside me, a beautiful baby. I'm going to be a mother for the second time...

Which scares me a bit. Following the emotion of excitement at the news was a feeling of fear, knowing there's always a chance I could lose this little one. It's happened before and it can happen again. Somehow it doesn't quite feel real, just like last time. So that has me worried. The most worrisome thing about it is knowing I have to wait a few weeks before I can even get the ultrasound to confirm a heartbeat and a healthy baby. I keep thinking I'll get there. facing the same Doctor who told me I lost the baby, and that I'll have the same embarrassing and horrific experience physically and emotionally. What is I lose this one too? It almost feels as if I don't deserve to have a baby.

Ah, but I need to dwell in this joyous moment, even if it's fleeting. I need to relish in the truth that I'm pregnant, that a miracle has happened in me. One day, I will raise a child and I hope and pray that day is sooner rather than later. So I need to enjoy these happy moments. I'M PREGNANT!!!

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