Rom-Com's are typically all the same: Guy and girl hate each other at first, then fall in love, then guy screws up, girl is mad, sadness takes over for 1/3rd of the movie, then the guy performs a giant gesture showing his remorse and love for the girl. Ending? Girl forgives guy and they live happily ever after,...I think. I wouldn't know because the credits roll before there's ever a wedding or a baby. We all drink up this idea of love and our dream is to have the magic we see on screen. There's just a couple of problems with that thinking...
First of all, most of the time, relationships don't start with hatred of the other person. I realize it's more appealing and dramatic to portray a couple on screen that hates each other and then slowly falls in love. In real life, however, a relationship usually starts with a friendship, an awkward blind date, or some flirting ending with the inevitable question "Wanna grab dinner sometime?" From there, you date and everything is going well until you have your first fight. In the movies, it's usually an abnormally big fight resulting in a temporary breakup and a chunk of the movie showing the sadness and anger both individuals are feeling, leaving little hope that they'll make up.
Let me get one thing straight: contrary to popular belief, it isn't always the guy's fault in a fight. In fact, it's usually 50/50, meaning, yes ladies, you're not some holier-than-thou queen too good for the perfectly honorable guy who's simply human and makes mistakes. I can say most assuredly that in my own relationship, I've been the culprit for most of the fights. It usually starts with me not getting my way or reading too much into something and then lashing out and jumping to conclusions without trying to communicate properly. If my life was a movie, I'd be the one showing up to my man's door with flowers begging for forgiveness. I often do, but without the flowers.
Another thing that just makes my face red is this whole idea that a man must prove his love for a woman by showing a grand gesture often requiring a lot of money, time, and effort. It isn't enough for the man to say "I'm sorry I hurt you. Will you forgive me?" No, instead he must climb up the stairwell and grovel or hold a stereo over his head, looking like a complete idiot. If that doesn't cut it, he can always light a million dangerous candles, buy a million roses only to rip off the petals and place them oh-so strategically around a rooftop with dinner set-up and a violinist ready to play when the girl approaches. The whole thing is just perfectly fake.
Meanwhile, the girl gets to just wait patiently for the man to prove himself worthy of her love, as she sits idly because she has no obligation to prove her love to him. A Queen deserves someone who will bow down to her and give her everything without her ever lifting a finger. I guess women never cause fights or have to apologize and have no obligation to love well. The phrase "Find a man who treats you like a Queen" comes to mind. My first response? How about find a guy you can see yourself treating like a King? Or, how about learning how to become a queen before expecting such treatment?
This is a rant I've been releasing for a few years now because I'm so sick of society telling us how love and marriage should be. Love is simple: A man and a woman commit to each other in every area of their life with all faithfulness. Marriage is this: A man and a woman work as a team, enjoy each other's companionship, honor each other, serve each other, and build a life and family together. Nothing in life is a fairytale, unless the fairytale is that loving someone who makes mistakes is hard and marriage is full of simultaneous fighting and laughter.
My love story was unlike any movie I had ever seen; I had nothing to compare it to and I'm both angry and glad about that. A guy from Malaysia became best friends with a white girl from Tennessee. Together, they became comfortable in silence, they took walks that lasted a little too long, served in ministry and passionately shared their experiences with each other, growing to respect and admire each other. The guy married the girl in a courthouse with rings from H&M and flowers from Trader Joe's and he had the biggest smile on his face, as did the girl. They were there, getting married and that was all that mattered. They began their marriage realizing one truth: They would always have comfort and peace with each other, no matter what happened. The guy and the girl fight, cry, laugh, and simply...live in each other's company to the end.
A better love story I haven't seen or heard in all my life...
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